True-ing up.....

the photo where you go, "how the F$*@! did my ass get so big????


I wanted to share this story of mine because some of you may find it inspiring:

DISCLAIMER: This is a tale about being comfortable in one's own skin. Finding the weight that is comfortable to me. I have seen women of 280 lbs and 180 lbs. and less that I would be happy to live in their bodies because they were at the weight that exuded their own freedom and personal beauty. I'm working towards self love, self acceptance, and feeling beautiful in my own skin.

And so my tale for today:

So amongst my other New Year's goals and ambitions (I prefer not to call them resolutions but goals) it was a resolve to eat healthier, eat less meat, and lose weight. I'm excited to report now that I've lost over 12 lbs!!! On a goal to lose 35...but being realistic, I'll be happy with 25 continued on my current new path. And if I don't lose anymore weight eating my current plan, then I will be content to be eating well, healthfully, and happy!

I LOVE FOOD, and left unchecked, I will eat myself into oblivion. I am large by nature, all around. I am tall 5'11" so I can support some weight naturally. I also come from a long line of healthy stock and healthy eaters, so I have a large appetite....and I love food! ummmmm, did I say that already?

What I don't like is feeling uncomfortable in my skin and my clothes. At my largest, about 5 years ago, I weighed 193 lbs. I was an uncomfortable size 14. This is only about 15lbs over the normal scale for my BMI, I might add, but it was enough for me to change.

I was determined to not to have to go to the plus size store to shop and so I embarked on what I called, "the skinny girl's diet". I made it up really, coupled with what I already knew about healthy eating, which was tempering my caloric intake with lower carbs and moderating my portions, which is my BIG ADVERSARY. I can eat ANYONE under the table. ANYONE....(not something to be proud of, I might add)

The skinny girl diet mantra, in my head, was "would a skinny girl eat this????" would a skinny girl eat the supersize fry?"

I got down, over the course of 2 years to 135 (also insert stressful job and waning marriage to the mix) which as anyone who has gone through those things will attest, is the best diet ever (albeit, not the healthiest).

Cut to 3+ years passed the 135 mark, I was back to 170+, had no jeans that I wanted to wear, without the dreaded muffin top. All of my cute size M shirts had been replaced with XLs and again, I felt like a giant blob. I had gone back to my old habits of eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

And this time...
I feel like I have made a huge positive change.

I am eating way less meat.
I am eating way more veggies.
My cabinets and fridge are full of healthy stuff.

And I've replaced my junk food habits with healthy veggies, fruits, and juicing. (still crave french fries, just sayin')

And I'm losing weight. Eating the stuff I want. Still tempering my carbs (I LOVE BREAD & STARCHY STUFF) I'm still hungry sometimes. I am used to eating ALOT. But I'm using a cool iphone app that lets me track my food and progress so it is all good!

So, losing weight is always a struggle.
There is no magic pill.
It takes effort.

But it takes the realization, that you want to be something else. That with growth comes obstacles and moving outside your comfy bud.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

Blogging.

Hello. My name is Barbara and I started this blog to promote my business.


But that isn't the only reason. I've been thinking a lot about social media lately. And intention. And why I choose to follow people on their blogs or their Twitter or Facebook. A lot of it is just that. social promotion. But I realized that I've ended up following a lot of people just BECAUSE...not because they inspire me or because I value their business or they value mine but to gain followers perhaps on my blog....and that's not really why I started doing this.

A few weeks ago, I posted a giveaway, in conjunction with a bead swap that I did. I was giving away for free, 3 different things, as a fun addition with the swap. Only 1 out of the 3 people contacted me, despite my reposting the fact that I had stuff to give away to the winners. All of these people were followers on my blog. I have deleted that specific post because I don't want to expose these people, because it isn't my intention to make them feel poorly. Everyone has stuff happen and perhaps the winners didn't realize that they had won. Perhaps they don't read blogs regularly....Whatever....it's not their fault. I don't expect anything in return. But it made me think about things differently.

I wanted to do something fun and offer something fun. I spent time making something. Spending time shooting the photos for the blog, making the items for the free giveaway. It hurt my feelings, in short. So it was an exercise in giving.

Then, in the midst of me feeling put out by this, I read this post, on Nicki's blog. It really struck a chord with me and since then, I've been reevaluating my blog connections. I've been trying to comment on blogs I visit and I've been trying to take note of blogs I comment on who don't return comments. By nature, I'm a lurker and don't comment very often. I am, however, trying to change this. I've taken a look at my blog list and am narrowing to down to a QUALITY, not QUANTITY list. I want to appreciate the efforts of all of the blogs I read, and have them appreciate me in return. A lot of the blogs I visit are LARGE. They have many hundreds of followers and I don't expect a comment in return, but I do read the comments and I take note when/if they respond to comments. Even if they answer simple questions or say "Thanks!" I've also been reevaluatating my own comments to see if I've thanked those who've commented.

I really, really want to be more mindful of my blogging experience and not have it be so passive. I want everyone to know how much I APPRECIATE THEM COMING HERE TO READ MY RAMBLINGS!

I want to provide a voice for my business, and foster a community and I'm still working on that community part. I want people to voice their opinions and be inspired and inspire others. Who's with me?