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Tuesday, January 18, 2011

True-ing up.....

the photo where you go, "how the F$*@! did my ass get so big????

I wanted to share this story of mine because some of you may find it inspiring:

DISCLAIMER: This is a tale about being comfortable in one's own skin. Finding the weight that is comfortable to me. I have seen women of 280 lbs and 180 lbs. and less that I would be happy to live in their bodies because they were at the weight that exuded their own freedom and personal beauty. I'm working towards self love, self acceptance, and feeling beautiful in my own skin.

And so my tale for today:

So amongst my other New Year's goals and ambitions (I prefer not to call them resolutions but goals) it was a resolve to eat healthier, eat less meat, and lose weight. I'm excited to report now that I've lost over 12 lbs!!! On a goal to lose 35...but being realistic, I'll be happy with 25 continued on my current new path. And if I don't lose anymore weight eating my current plan, then I will be content to be eating well, healthfully, and happy!

I LOVE FOOD, and left unchecked, I will eat myself into oblivion. I am large by nature, all around. I am tall 5'11" so I can support some weight naturally. I also come from a long line of healthy stock and healthy eaters, so I have a large appetite....and I love food! ummmmm, did I say that already?

What I don't like is feeling uncomfortable in my skin and my clothes. At my largest, about 5 years ago, I weighed 193 lbs. I was an uncomfortable size 14. This is only about 15lbs over the normal scale for my BMI, I might add, but it was enough for me to change.

I was determined to not to have to go to the plus size store to shop and so I embarked on what I called, "the skinny girl's diet". I made it up really, coupled with what I already knew about healthy eating, which was tempering my caloric intake with lower carbs and moderating my portions, which is my BIG ADVERSARY. I can eat ANYONE under the table. ANYONE....(not something to be proud of, I might add)

The skinny girl diet mantra, in my head, was "would a skinny girl eat this????" would a skinny girl eat the supersize fry?"

I got down, over the course of 2 years to 135 (also insert stressful job and waning marriage to the mix) which as anyone who has gone through those things will attest, is the best diet ever (albeit, not the healthiest).

Cut to 3+ years passed the 135 mark, I was back to 170+, had no jeans that I wanted to wear, without the dreaded muffin top. All of my cute size M shirts had been replaced with XLs and again, I felt like a giant blob. I had gone back to my old habits of eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

And this time...
I feel like I have made a huge positive change.

I am eating way less meat.
I am eating way more veggies.
My cabinets and fridge are full of healthy stuff.

And I've replaced my junk food habits with healthy veggies, fruits, and juicing. (still crave french fries, just sayin')

And I'm losing weight. Eating the stuff I want. Still tempering my carbs (I LOVE BREAD & STARCHY STUFF) I'm still hungry sometimes. I am used to eating ALOT. But I'm using a cool iphone app that lets me track my food and progress so it is all good!

So, losing weight is always a struggle.
There is no magic pill.
It takes effort.

But it takes the realization, that you want to be something else. That with growth comes obstacles and moving outside your comfy bud.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin


kelleysbeads said...

Good for you in taking such healthy strides toward your goal. Congrats on freeing yourself of that 12 pounds already --> that's fantastic!

Silver Parrot said...

Good for you! I'm in the same boat - lost 75 lbs. a few years ago and kept it off for 2 years. Then got hit with some major life stress (dad passed away and ex-husband dropped out of childcare duties) and the pounds just piled right back on. I need to get back to doing something about it.

TesoriTrovati said...

Barbara- I am sorry that I missed this. There was a time when I was in h.s. that I got down to 125 pounds. There is a picture of me and my skinny little boyfriend (now husband) and I feel like I looked emaciated. Not really, but that is what I think when I see that. Fast forward to today. I am the heaviest that I have ever been. Not happy about it one bit. But you are right. It takes effort, and willpower and healthy habits and above all exercising. I seem to lack all of the above. I know the way, but I don't have the will. And while I am not always delighted with my clothes, I am comfortable in my skin most days. Thank you for sharing this and for giving me some food for thought (pun intended). Enjoy the day.

Rebecca said...

I totally know where you're coming from Barbara...I have yo-yo-ed all of my adult life and whilst I probably could look and find reasons for it, I think for me ultimately, it's just because I love to eat and drink and I'm with somebody else who also loves to eat and drink!! But like you, I've begun the new year with the goal to shift a chunk of weight, before my 30th which is in 3 months....Good luck to you! Sounds like you have a great attitude to the whole thing, I'm rooting for you!